In order to influence others you may use different sets of influencing skills
– depending on whom you want to influence, for what purpose, and in which situation. Here are short descriptions of each of the six influencing skills.
1.
Listening actively – why listen actively?
Listening well is critical to our ability to become an effective communicator. Listening is one of the most used influencing skills and one of the most neglected influencing skills. When you are listening actively, you are focusing on what the other person is saying in order to understand what they mean. It is about hearing the other person out before you respond. You are listening to gain information, not necessarily to agree with it. If you fail to listen actively to others, they may not want to listen to you, and you will have no or limited possibilities to influence them.
The message is:
“I’m interested in how you see things…”
2.
Revealing – why be revealing?
By sharing personal information about yourself, others feel encouraged to reciprocate. People who use this skill readily admit their own areas of uncertainty and mistakes. By openly acknowledging their own limitations and taking a no-defensive attitude toward feedback, they help others to feel more accepted for who they are. On the surface, transparency may appear to some to be a weak and wishy-washy style of influence. It is not. It can be very powerful by building the trust and commitment needed to implement actions and with it a willingness to be influenced. Also, being transparent in a transparent way, what you see and what you infer from that can encourage others to do the same.
The message is:
“I’m prepared to share all relevant information about myself and what I see… so it’s easier for you to do the same…”
3.
Involving & supporting – why involve & support?
By involving and supporting others you increase the commitment of others to the target objective or task. People who use involving & supporting build on other’s ideas and are quick to credit others for their contributions. As with the other influence skills, involving & supporting can be misused to manipulate others. The leader who tries to involve subordinates in a consensus decision-making process when the leader has already chosen a solution is treading on thin ice.
The message is:
“You are important, I value your contributions…”
4.
Suggesting & proving – why suggest & prove?
Suggesting involves presenting possible solutions as a choice of options. By presenting ideas and proposals you take discussions one step further, and avoid getting stuck in the same arguments going back and forth. The essential quality of this skill is the use of facts and logical reasoning.
When presenting ideas and proposals you should be able to support them with rational reasons. People who use this skill effectively typically structure their arguments and enumerate the points they want to make so their listeners can follow their logic. The power of this influence skill does not come from an emotional source. Facts and logic are, by definition, emotionally neutral. A person may react to a fact emotionally and thereby be persuaded to behave in a certain way. However, the feelings of the person using proving are meant to be kept out of their argument. The facts are supposed to speak for themselves.
The message is:
“The most important reason is…”
5.
Asserting – Why assert?
Asserting involves demanding certain behaviour from other people. There is a time and place for asserting which should be done only when:
You know what the problem is
You know what the solution is
There is a big difference between being too pushy and asserting yourself. By being direct and
avoiding the “beating around the bush” approach you can get your idea across without offending anyone, these essentials are imperative to asserting your needs. People who use this skill effectively typically state their expectations simply, clearly, and directly. The more words you use, the greater the chance for confusion or distraction.
Two kinds of assertion situations are:
The message is:
“I expect you…”
6.
Inspiring – Why inspire?
Our image of the future drives our actions today. When organisations or groups capture positive imagery internally and make it visible, it starts to drive change in a self-directed way. It creates a sense of focus. Language can touch emotions. It can inspire or motivate. It has the ability to anger or elate. Using emotive language is influencing by using words and delivery that get through to, and touch, others. People who use this skill effectively typically use powerful words and metaphors that evoke images and strong feelings in our minds. They seem to have the ability to describe common occurrences in words that raise them above the mundane.
The message is:
“It is possible…”